Tips For Surviving In Africa
1. Stay in your vehicle. This seems like a no-brainer, but it’s amazing how many people blithely hop out of their vehicles to take a closer look at the big kitty with disastrous results.
2. If you are unfortunate enough to meet up with an African predator while on foot, stand your ground. Human beings are not the natural prey for most predators. When the animal sees you, a question mark will form in its brain. What exactly is this creature? Is it safe to go after? Is it edible and digestible? Will it fight back? As long as you stay still, that question will remain unanswered and the animal may (I said) may walk away.
However, the minute you turn and run, you have just proven beyond a shadow of doubt that you are, in fact, prey because only prey runs! And the question mark is now replaced with an exclamation mark “yay, dinner time!”
3. If you happen to come across a cute, baby animal wandering around, do not try to pet it or rescue it. Freeze. Study the surroundings carefully. That baby animal is most likely going to have a mom or pop pretty close by who will be quite happy to bite you or stomp on you for going too close to their little darling.
4. Don’t ever mess with vultures. Not quite sure why you would, but people do weird things. Their first line of defense is to vomit. And we all know what vultures eat!
5. If chased by a leopard, don’t climb a tree. They climb faster and more efficiently than you ever could. No idea how you handle this particular scenario, I suggest prayer. A short one will suffice ‘Help, Lord.”
6. Hippos are the most dangerous animals in Africa. Yes, I know that does not make sense when there are large crocodiles lying around on sandbanks, but they are. More people die at the hands (hooves?) of hippos than any other creature. They are ornery, usually in a bad mood, and extremely territorial. They are also extremely fast and agile in water and will chase down a boat and sink it in minutes. Their speed on land is about on par with that of water. So treat them with great respect and if you do inadvertently wander into their territory, depart quickly and quietly.
7. If charged by a rhino, stand your ground and jump out of the way at the last minute. Due to their bulky bodies they can’t make last minute corrections to swerve to the side. Never tried this myself, don’t know anyone who has, but if that happens to you, try this method. And if you survive, let me know so I can update this page.
I am sure you are all wondering what tips on surviving in Africa has to do with your Christian walk - actually pretty much nothing. I just threw this in for fun.
Although, there are two spiritual principles you can apply – see item 2 “Stand” and item 5 – “pray.”
