Pinpricks of Pain

But I do this one thing: I forget about the things behind me
and reach out for the things ahead of me
(Philippians 3:13 CEB)

Today in church of all places, a memory surfaced that caused an immediate spasm of emotional pain. And that made me stop and think. We may be healed from our pain; we may forgive the person who hurt us, but the memories don’t just disappear.

The Bible doesn’t address how past failures or mistreatment by others may have returned to the memories of the heroes in the Bible, but they must have. They were human beings too, with the same emotions, as James stated: “Elijah was as human as we are” (James 5:7).

Saul, later Paul, was responsible for Christians being dragged off to prison and execution. He genuinely believed He was protecting his faith and was sincere in his actions, but he was sincerely wrong. His miraculous conversion on the road to Damascus brought him to his senses. The author of the book of Romans understood God’s grace probably like no other human being in history, but I am sure that memories of his past must have resurfaced at times, like the memory of the stoning of Stephen. He knew Christ and his place in Him and kept pushing forward, but I am sure he dealt with recurring memories just like we do.

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him, even though I used to blaspheme the name of Christ. In my insolence, I persecuted his people. But God had mercy on me because I did it in ignorance and unbelief. Oh, how generous and gracious our Lord was! He filled me with the faith and love that come from Christ Jesus (1 Timothy 15:12-14).

Peter denied Christ. Every time he heard a rooster crow, did he think of the time He denied His Lord? But it must also have brought back the memory of the amazing grace and love Jesus poured out on him on an early morning on a beach at the Sea of Galilee.

So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Feed My lambs” (John 21:15 NKJV).

David lost a baby son because of his sin. He washed his face, and went back to serving God, forgiven and restored, but He must have remembered his child and felt recurring pain over what had happened.

And David said to his servants, “Is the child dead?” They said, “He is dead.” Then David arose from the earth and washed and anointed himself and changed his clothes. And he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped (2 Samuel 12:19-20 ESV).

Did John, the apostle of love, when he saw a Samaritan, remember the hot-headed impetuous days of his youth, when he wanted to call down fire on the heads of the Samaritans who refused to receive Jesus? That memory must have surfaced occasionally.

But the people of the village did not welcome Jesus because he was on his way to Jerusalem. When James and John saw this, they said to Jesus, “Lord, should we call down fire from heaven to burn them up?” (Luke 9:53-54 NLT).

Not John’s finest hour.

So, my takeaway from this experience was that although memories will re-surface, I must not allow guilt to bring me down. Recollections of past hurts will return – that is a normal, human reaction – but it is up to me whether I allow those memories to gain the upper hand or replace them with remembrances of His love and faithfulness, and how He brought me through those painful times. I choose to do the latter.